Log in

No account? Create an account
Sweeter, Healthier, and Fulla Soul
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in Brown Splenda's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Tuesday, November 20th, 2007
12:04 pm
It's been reaaaallly quiet in her
It's a forward, but it's funny enough to post.


If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong
with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a
regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of
personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football
cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead
and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer
named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics
instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.


Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well worth it when I arrive d at the health club to find Belinda waiting
for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair,dancing
eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and
showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she
conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was
already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is
going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!


I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.

Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air
then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it
all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me


The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on th e
c o unter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other
club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning
and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the
stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help
me get in shape and enjoy life She said some other shit too.


Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being
a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work ou t with dumbbells. When she was not looking,
I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me
Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.


I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any
other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic,
anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move
without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And
if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells
or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off
and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.

Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
choir director?


Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly
voice wondering why I did not show u p today. Just hearing her made me
want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the
strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight
hours of the Weather Channel.

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my
daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like
a root canal or a hysterectomy I still say if God had wanted me to bend
over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007
12:06 pm
Monday, September 24th, 2007
5:38 pm
The Firm is gettin' it!
The Firm is kicking my ass and I love it. I'm seeing changes in my arms, thighs, belly, backside and shoulders after less than three weeks of being on the little DVD rotation that comes with the program, (there are 4 DVDs, it'll be a long time before I get bored) without being too sore to move. I **highly** recommend the system they're hawking on the latest infomercial, with the weights and such, and I WILL be purchasing the Transfirmer (from Ebay, heh).

Current Mood: accomplished
Saturday, September 1st, 2007
7:43 am
Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
1:28 am
I've created a new group...
I wanted to announce to all the folks in the Portland Metro Area that I created a new group called pdxblackfolks because I haven't found one on livejournal. There's nothing posted there yet, but I'm working on it. I was inspired by seeing other blackfolk's groups created for local communities and thought it would be ice to create one for Portland. Let's see if there's actually enough for a strong group!

x-posted to blackfolk queerportland damnportlanders brownsplenda average_homos whateverfaggot
Friday, June 15th, 2007
11:17 am
Update: Rebootin' The System :)
So I'm on day three of this: http://www.mastercleanser.com/

It's been...fascinating. And nowhere near as hard as I expected. Granted I was eating pretty healthily before starting, but still.

So far the detox symptoms have been mild headache and tiredness, and I haven't had that today-today my energy has been through the roof. I've lost 5 lbs since Wednesday, I know it's water weight but the STUFF that's coming out of me during my 40,000 bathroom trips is telling me that this is cleaning me out, which is what this is about-losing a few pounds is just a nice perk :) (and yes, I'd promised myself not to weigh until a certain pair of shorts fit, but I *had* to know if this lighter feeling was legit at all :D)

I don't know that I'll do an entire 10 days this first time, 5 days may be enough. But I feel *great* and I definitely recommend this if you've been feeling bloated and oogy with caffeine and junk (which I was after my weekend in Philly).

How are y'all doing?

Current Mood: ambitious
Thursday, June 7th, 2007
6:18 pm
just wanted to share
I don't remember where this was from, but I figured it'd be useful to those of us trying to give up fast food and eating out.

Attack of the 1,000-Calorie Entrees!

Posted Mon, Feb 26, 2007, 6:00 am PST

Think salads are safe? That grilled always equals guilt-free? Even healthy-sounding entrees can be cleverly disguised diet disasters! Here are some of the worst offenders, courtesy of your pal HG.


Bob Evans Cranberry Pecan Chicken Salad
(1,108 calories, 63g fat, 2,741mg sodium, 63g carbs, 7g fiber, 43g sugars, 40g protein)

Fruit, nuts, and sliced chicken...on lettuce? This salad sounds wholesome enough. But don't be fooled! Bacon, bleu cheese, and gobs of Italian dressing all play a part in this salad's pitiful nutritionals. Over 1,100 calories for a salad?! We're on to you, Bob.

Hardee's Southwest Chicken Salad
(1,100 calories, 83g fat, 1,910mg sodium, 59g carbs, 4g fiber, 6g sugars, 29g protein)

Yes, Southwest chicken salads are delicious, but one with 83 fat grams is embarrassing. You may as well have a fat hamburger and a giant order of fries. Sheesh!

Bob Evans Chili & Cheese Taco Salad
(1,381 calories, 72g fat, 3,263mg sodium, 182g carbs, 23g fiber, 30g sugars, 42g protein)

Aha! Another salad sure to screw up your day, courtesy of Bob Evans. This one's slightly more suspicious sounding, with a double whammy of chili and cheese right there in the title. Mounds of cheddar and sausage chili smothered in avocado ranch dressing make this plate of fatty goo one you don't wanna mess with!

Chili's Mesquite Chicken Salad with Dressing
(1,050 calories, 69g fat, 3,110 sodium, 56g carbs, 11g fiber, 58g protein)

You might have guessed that their famous Baby Back Ribs are bad for those battling the bulge (and you'd have guessed right), but a mesquite chicken salad, too?!? Yep. Layers of bacon and cheese, complete with a thick blob of fat-packed ranch dressing, all adds up to over 1,000 calories of horribleness.


McDonald's Chicken Selects Premium Breast Strips (10 piece)
(1,270 calories, 66g fat, 3,100mg sodium, 92g carbs, 0g fiber, 77g protein)

Premium Breast Strips? That's just a fancy way of saying fried chicken fingers! Call 'em what you want, Ronald, but your Chicken Selects are a clucking MESS! And you KNOW people dip those things in your sugary BBQ sauce or creamy honey mustard, too. And those just take this already offensive meal FAR over the edge.

P.F. Chang's Orange Peel Chicken
(1,151 calories, 47g fat, 127g carbs, 61g protein)

Here's another seemingly healthful offering. Chicken "tossed with chili peppers and fresh orange peel" -- how bad could that be? Upon closer inspection, we uncovered that this particular chicken dish contains both Kung Pao and Sichuan sauces, two notoriously high-cal condiments. By the time this bird hits your plate, it's dragging more than eleven hundred calories with it. Yeech!

Macaroni Grill Honey Balsamic Chicken
(1,220 calories, 67g fat, 2,750mg sodium, 94g carbs, 10g fiber, 57g protein)

Think choosing poultry over pasta at Macaroni Grill will keep you fitting into your skinny jeans? Not if this dish is any indication. Here's a little tip: Instead order something called Pollo Magra (Skinny Chicken), and save yourself more than 900 calories and over 60 grams of fat!

Chili's Monterey Chicken
(1,170 calories, 71g fat, 3,530mg sodium, 70g carbs, 8g fiber, 72g protein)

Yet another of Chili's calorically challenged chicken dishes. Their Monterey Chicken, a cheese, bacon, and BBQ sauce smothered entree, packs in an alarming 1,170 calories and more than 70 grams of fat. Gross!


P.F. Chang's Beef with Broccoli (dinner portion)
(1,120 calories, 65g fat, 38g carbs, 93g protein)

Come on, Chang! Beef with Broccoli is one of those Asian entrees even WE were sure we could safely chew! But it just isn't so. P.F.'s meat 'n mini trees are suffocated with sugar, sauce, cornstarch, and oil. That's just wrong.

Ruby Tuesday Fresh Chicken & Broccoli Pasta
(2,061 calories, 128g fat, 109g net carbs, 13g fiber)

Yikes! It's official; we have a winner (well, actually a loser). This dish has broken the calorie barrier, racking up more than any other on the list. Chicken and broccoli were clearly assaulted over at Ruby T, and emerged as a freakishly fattening entree with more than 2,000 calories and nearly 130 fat grams! How on Earth can Ruby T's get away with this?!


Macaroni Grill Grilled Salmon (Teriyaki)
(1,290 calories, 81g fat, 6,600mg sodium, 79g carbs, 5g fiber, 57g protein)

Record highs were reached on the sodium scale the day this dish was born. There's nearly three times the daily recommended allowance of the stuff swimming around with this salmon. And even if we could get past the icky amounts of salt, we're deeply offended by the crazy calorie and fat counts attached to this simple grilled fish dish. Yikes!

Macaroni Grill Grilled Pork Chops
(1,800 calories, 107g fat, 4,950mg sodium, 92g carbs, 8g fiber, 115g protein)

Yep, a third entree on our thou-cal-plus list from those maniacs at Macaroni Grill. This one contains more than 100 grams of fat and a horrifying 1,800 calories. Uhh, pork, the other white meat?! Not in this case...


P.F. Chang's Lo Mein Combo (lunch portion)
(1,740 calories, 122g fat, 98g carbs, 55g protein)

If you think ordering up the lunch portion keeps you safe out there, you are sadly mistaken. Chang's downsized order of Lo Mein includes beef, chicken, pork, shrimp, and enough fat and calories to feed an entire family. Can you even IMAGINE how many calories and fat grams the dinner size packs in?!

Burger King TRIPLE WHOPPER Sandwich
(1,130 calories, 74g fat, 1,160mg sodium, 51g carbs, 3g fiber, 11g sugars, 67g protein)

And rounding out our list is a true triple threat. This BK burger's a royal mess of a meal. But then again, would you expect anything less from a TRIPLE WHOPPER?!
Monday, June 4th, 2007
9:51 am
Wassup 'Splendas!
Howdy all,

So I'm back to my own community after a ridiculously long break. Hi :-)

Long story short, I had entirely too many mishaps and calamities, big and small but one after another, to give my body what it needed on a regular basis. I've been great for days and even weeks at a time, but the times I've given in to the Dark Side were so dark that they negated much of my hard work. Not all, I'm stronger, fitter and about 10 lbs down from January...but I'm SO not where I wanted to be physically by this month. So there's been therapy, the beginnings of a change direction career-wise, and a ***lot*** of talking with the people in my life who are actually fit and healthy but still live like people and not gym robots. And my health track has changed.

I'm still working toward running a 5K, but in a very different way. For the body I want I need to focus more on leg strength than how long I can run, so the treadmill is having the incline raised more than the speed. That's gettin' the cardio for my heart and the legs and booty the way I want them. The weather warming up combined with the kids getting out of school means more time to work out in the mornings, a big deal for me.

The goals for now are to get 41 lbs off, fit into my size 9 clothes, and to be able to run at 4 MPH for 30 minutes straight by November 3rd, my 35th birthday. I have strong ideas about muscle growth and toning that I don't quite know how to share, it's a visual in my head :-). For that I think I'll have to post pics.

Turning 35, along with my first baby turning 10 this year, are milestones that have really motivated me to reclaim myself. It's time.

That's all for now; this time I won't promise to post every day because we all know I won't, but I do promise to update at least every few days and chart my progress here.

How are you all doing? What are your summer goals?

Current Mood: productive
Saturday, April 28th, 2007
1:07 pm
Atkins anyone?
Anybody else doing Atkins or another Low Carb program? I'm using that to lose weight and I'm really liking it so far.

Current Mood: cheerful
Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
10:57 pm
Workout/Diet Update
Ok just started the second diet, Cinch (the first was SlimFast) not that I'm interested in drinking shakes the rest of my life but I need some kind of routine/control over my meals that I can't sit down long enough to formulate myself. Anyhoo, if you haven't had a Slimfast shake it has a "strong" milk smell to me and the taste just kinda lingered in my mouth and not in a good way. It wasn't the worst but I can think of better ways to get 180 calories.

So now I'm onto Cinch (www.cinch.com) it's basically a pricey shake/bar/vitamin/tea plan. The shakes taste great (chocolate is my FOC) mixed with light soymilk and so do the bars. Definitely doable for a month or so. The program estimated it will take me until Nov. 20th to reach my goal weight losing 1.5 lbs a week. I'm sure cutting out the alcohol will speed that up...

Also into my second week of training for the Cherry Blossom 10 miler. I ran 4 days last week, slacked off over the weekend and was back on it today. The training is a much faster pace than either of the marathon trainings but I feel like I'm getting stronger with better endurance. Though I did feel my right shin tighten up again it wasn't as bad as before and hopefully the bananas and stretching with work that out.

Current Mood: sleepy
Monday, January 22nd, 2007
12:12 pm
Multiple attacks on a common enemy!
K I haven't posted in a minute but here's my strategy lately:

SlimFast has been working alright especially the shake for breakfast so that I'm not starving by the time I get into work. I'm not super strict with it but using the shakes as something sorta nutritious when I'm about to crack has worked. Thursday I'll be starting the Cinch Plan. I'll post about that later www.cinchplan.com

Today I start training for the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler (April 1st). The plan is similar to the training I used for both of the marathons I've ran. (Galloway method - run/walk ratios)

Between watching more closely what I eat and working out more I should see some better results. Also I've decided to give up drinking/going out to eat&party as my Lent observance so that will drop the weight & put $$ in my pocket too.

So far, I've lost 5 lbs since around Christmas and kept it off. I'll start the measurements with the Cinch plan on Thursday.

Good Luck Splendas!

Current Mood: focused
Tuesday, January 16th, 2007
10:24 am
What Will It Cost You If You Don't Change?
Morning 'Splendas,

Today's topic: How will your life be affected over time if you don't improve your fitness and health?

Answer honestly. If you don't think it makes any difference, tell us that.

* I know good and well that I *WILL* have diabetes at some point if I don't slim down.

* I believe I can't avoid arthritis to some degree, but it'll be soooo much worse if i stay at this weight and fitness level.

* I work with small children and I have another business on the side, I need to be trim and agile to be my best at both. Staying as I am now will really hurt my performance in the next years.

* I don't like the message I'm sending to my daughters when I'm heavier and less active. These two watch everything I do like little hawks, and while I don't want them focusing on body image I *do* want them to think that daily exercise and healthy food are what they're naturally supposed to do and have. I believe that if I don't conquer my weight issues I'm setting my babies up for the same nonsense.

* And honestly, I know that my self esteem is affected by how attractive I feel and how strong I feel, and I don't want to be fat and 40. At 34 I can decide now how good I'll feel, emotionally and physically, for the next 50 yrs. But if I don't take care of bidness now I see a slippery slope that I watched my mother slide down, and I admit it frightens me. So I'm here, making mistakes but having success. I'm getting there :-)

Talk to us folks. What do you see down the road if you don't get your groove on now?
Friday, January 12th, 2007
6:08 pm
Breakfast: yes, no, Ew yuck...?
Hey Splendas,

A couple of you have mentioned here or elsewhere that you can't eat breakfast. Um, farreal? That messes with my head because I am **HUNGRY** in the morning, especially after my workout but even on my morning off. These days I'm having dinner kinda food so I have the most calories first thing, but I've always had cereal or an orange with a toaster waffle or something or I get WAY nauseous about two hours after I get up. Even when I was a fool trying Slimfast I had one first thing...

I'm gonna stress eating breakfast up in here :-) I know people who had to make themselves eat breakfast for a week or two until they got used to it and wanted it, or else they didn't lose weight because their metabolisms didn't act right without that morning fuel. (It's always the folks who eat too late at night btw...)

Those of you who say you can't eat in the morning...can you think of quick foods that you wouldn't mind having within an hour or so of getting up? These days I grab a chicken breast or fish and a scoop of salad or veggies I made the night before, but I also have healthy oatmeal-type stuff that's two minutes in the microwave, my organic toaster waffles, 100% wheat toast with a little butter and preserves...that kinda thing. Or I just slurp down a yogurt and some juice.

What can you have that's fast and healthy that you would actually eat?

(assuming you stop telling yourself that you just can't, heh)
[ << Previous 20 ]
About LiveJournal.com